Nothing Compares 2 The 90s

This one goes out to all the fellas! And any 90s babies in the house. Get ready for an end of the millennium recap that will make you want to resurrect your Lisa Frank pencil case. And it goes a little somethin’ like this… HIT IT!

Who didn’t have a Skip-It? That tubular neon ball that could very well be used as a weapon against a pesky sibling. But seriously, I used to Skip-It for hours to see how high I could make the counter device go. I bet my mom was diggin’ that quiet time. No doubt. But don’t try Skip-It today. The pain will be so real, you’ll need to ice, ice, baby.

Two words. Mall Madness. Or Girl Talk. Or Dream Phone. Because nothing says, “I’m a prepubescent tween” like sticker pimples, fake boyfriends, and elaborate board game construction. I still get weak in the knees when I think about Steve being my dream date. It’s for you!

Scrunchies and stirrups and Umbros. Oh my! It was fun to live in a world where glitter was appropriate at all occasions. And you oughta know that Limited Too was the hot spot to pick up a collared, teal and lime green striped sweater tee. That definitely made you sweat in the summa, summa, summertime.

Sure, we all loved Urkel, and, yeah, we all had a friend who was from “West Philadelphia, born and raised.” But no one compared to Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell. That’s as serious as “no hope with dope.” And obviously we’ve all re-enacted Jessie Spano singing “I’m so excited.”

Straight up now tell me, did you love NKOTB as much as I did? Joey McIntyre was my first true love. I had the Joey Barbie and my sister had Donnie. She’s still pretty pissed that I cut off his rattail following an altercation between the two of us.

My first cassette tape was Ace of Base, and my cousin and I were obsessed! We would round up our siblings, throw the tape into the nearest boom box, rip full grown geraniums out of my grandmother’s garden to use as microphones, and do a rendition of “I Saw the Sign” that would be killing you softly.

Oh 90s. I will always love you. You made big bangs, hammer pants, and the Macarena look so good. I’ll part with these words of wisdom from TLC, “Don’t go chasin waterfalls.”


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