The Pee Couch

Let me play out a scenario for you.

Kid A falls asleep on the couch, and proceeds to pee on it.

I strip Kid A and throw her drenched clothes on top of the pee spot.

Meanwhile, Kid B is pulling out copious amounts of baby wipes to “help” with cleanup.

I quickly run upstairs to pick out new clothes for Kid A.

While I’m upstairs, Kid C grabs Kid A’s urine underwear, and begins wearing them on her head.

Kid B has completely lost sight of the mission, and is now throwing hundreds of baby wipes around like confetti.

Kid C needs a bath immediately, but the couch still needs to be cleaned.

I throw a damp towel on the couch’s problem area to signify “Don’t sit here” and also, “Stay away, children.”

After rushing BACK upstairs for Kid C’s new outfit, I come downstairs to find Kid C burying her face in the pee towel, and laughing wildly.

Kid B decides to join her, because it must look like fun making mommy so mad.

Now Kid A, Kid C, AND Kid B all need baths.

This is a challenging feat when all of my patience is in tact, but I’m already about to lose it.

After running the bath water, I go to find all three.

They scatter, naked, and wildly giggling.

I chase them for awhile, but I’d catch one, and then they’d slip away while I was in pursuit of the next.

Kid A and Kid C run into each other, and now they’re both bawling.

Kid B is hiding behind the pee couch, yelling, “Mommy! I have to pee!” but he only ACTUALLY has to pee 3 out of 10 times.

There are only so many fires I can put out at once, so I quickly console Kid A and Kid C. It wasn’t quick enough.

Kid B starts peeing all over the side of the couch.

I give up. On everything.

Everyone is crying. Including me.

2 thoughts on “The Pee Couch”

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