The Surprise Ingredients

It’s been awhile since I reflected on being pregnant. Probably because I was pregnant for 31 out of 41 months. I tried really hard to be one of those women who loved carrying a baby, and embraced every second, but I just couldn’t do it. I had kidney stones, cholestasis, morning sickness, and my last kid almost ripped through my uterine wall.

But, I have one story that tops all the crap luck I had when I was with child. Let me set the scene.

I was pregnant with baby number one, just 14 weeks along. I was having a real meat aversion, and even the smell would be enough to send me into a gagging frenzy. At the time, we were living in a split level home, just the two of us.

One afternoon, Jacob generously offered to make us lunch. I wasn’t feeling great, so I quickly accepted, and I crawled back into bed.

After about 20 minutes, he shouted that lunch was ready. I could tell he was proud of himself, by the sing-songy voice he used.

I sat up, and gingerly walked down the hall. As soon as I hit the top of the stairs, an ungodly smell overcame me. I gagged, tripped, fell on my butt, and slid down the stairs.

Let me take this time to remind you, that it was only six stairs, and it was the most padded carpet ever installed. But I went into full blown, meltdown mode, immediately.

“You did this! The smell made me fall! This is your fault! What if the baby is hurt? I can’t believe you did this to me!” (High dramatics are kind of my thing when I’m in an even mildly stressful situation.)

Jacob, being the angel sent from Heaven that he is, took full responsibility, and catered to me, while I wallowed in self pity. “I’m so sorry! I just wanted to make you lunch. Did you fall too hard? Are you ok?”

How could I possibly still be feisty now? “I’m ok. The baby is fine. But I really need to know what you made for lunch. It smells like simmering vomit.”

The answer he gave still chills me to the bone, and it instantly takes me back to the feeling of becoming violently ill. “I made Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper, and the back said if I added mustard and relish it would give it some extra zing!”

Friends. He added mustard. And relish. To HAMBURGER Helper. Hard pass, my man. Hard pass. Needless to say, that’s the last time we followed the “extra instructions” on the back of a Hamburger Helper box.

Now, I want to hear from you! Tell me all the pregnant food aversions, funny food stories you have!

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